listening to: lady gaga ft. colby o’donis: just dance

currently: watching abdc auditions

mood: mellow

recommendations: watch “my lovely weekend” (korean)

“i aspire to become more than i am. but dude i don’t understand anything at all. look! if someone is explaining something… you gotta pay attention and listen and absorb all that information. i don’t have the ability to concentrate and absorb all that information. so like i’m in a meeting and just watching. am i really listening?… maybe some bits and pieces. all that i care about is that it looks like i’m paying attention. does that really help me? no! maybe i gotta find another job that interest me more. for the time being… i’m gotta do whatever it takes to make myself look good. muahahahaha…”

woke up with two miss phone calls that i didn’t know. didn’t bother to call them back. also i had three texts. my mornings are waking up to my phone and not my alarm clock.

went to a meeting for work… NEO. yeah. that was so boring. it took half of my work day. but yeah… don’t watch the “happening” cuz my co-worker said it sucked!

my little nap was great. i ignored a phone call from my sisterstep (not my stepsister yet).

jogging was great! four laps! dude! four! saw an asian guy. he was ok. not much of an eye candy though.

sorry guys i didn’t feel like hanging out. have fun at ant’s house and enjoy that gumbo.

<<<kiss the cook>>>

“dude… i feel like i don’t belong anywhere. i feel lost emotionally and mentally and physically. i don’t wanna do anything but just stay home. when i do go out i feel anti-social. i don’t even try. i don’t feel happy when i’m with friends. is it me or is it them? maybe i’m just going through a phase. for the mean time i’m just gonna keep nonchalant. maybe i have a mental problem. i should get evaluated just in case… :X everyone needs space. right now i need space from everything… everything.”

come on…

woke up at 10 something this morning. got ready and went to work at 11.

work is always the same. should i come out anytime soon? i’m out to one co-worker why not the rest of them?

heffer dinner was at a buffet. china cafe. it was mediocre. not that good but fine. you know? you know. i just sat there, observed and listened only.

afterwards my friends went to the west towne mall. i didn’t feel like it so i went home. i’m becoming anti-social. yeah! i would usually go but i didn’t. i really don’t know why.

jogging is good for me. it is like mediation for me. i feel so good when i jog. i feel so much better after.

\\\_-come get some-_///

“being perfect… who is perfect? i dunno. but boy… i’m trying. pushing your own self is difficult. i want this. i want to change myself physically. by the end of this month… i’m gonna be in the best shape ever! promise! life is so ordinary… you have your personal issues while random things comes interfering. how do you separate personal issues with other external issues? they always overlap and can cause friction. when i’m doing my thing and getting myself together physically… i get the temptations from my friends to go out and chow down. i gotta get a handle on that. self-control!”

on this day…

o1. woke up really late. it was so sad. it was from last night from messing with my last post. took me forever to get it right. also my dad called me. didn’t pick up. cause i was still sleeping. i’ll call him tomorrow.

o2. work is blah! blah! and did i mention blah! i like it when we three close… fun! i need more hours. dude… and i can’t get any. so messed up. i really need to find a new job!

o3. second day in a row of jogging! yeah! but tomorrow i can’t jog! damn it! it’s ok. i’ll watch what i’ll eat.

o4. i hope we hang out tomorrow… tomorrow is gonna be a full day but i’ll make time for you.

<3…my type…<3

“i’m trying to get back to my daily routine of working out. i fell out of it when the missouri boys came. damn! but anyways i’m slowly getting back into things. i’m starting to exercise, sleep earlier, drink more green tea and water, keep things clean and getting things accomplished. yeah! you know when things are getting on track when you feel better. i feel better not great, but better. gotta keep on… do it to it.”

hey…

today was an ordinary day. i went to work. then i went jogging. jogging felt so good! anyhow. at work i have a friend there. she is so cool. i have fun with her. if she wasn’t there… man… i would be bored to death! well… i make her laugh a lot. but i make everyone laugh… and its mostly laughing at me. but that’s fine. i’m used to it. i have to admit though. i’m a blonde. really i am. but yeah… my friends invited me to come over to eat some tacos but i didn’t respond to them… i dunno why. i didn’t feel like it. blah! i ordered my graduation pictures… did it online and paid like $40 for them. eew. i cooked! its been like ages since i cooked. i cooked sausages. yummy!!! but yeah. i can’t believe he texted me. we didn’t text for long. i think he was probably working. hopefully we hang out this weekend. i so like him so much!

++(come play ball)++

“so i belong to this group called the “heffers”. they are my best, closest friends ever. today we initiated two new members. yeah! we are not a click or a gang. we are just a group, my group that i belong to. we do not discriminate either. we have friends of our own and we do hang out with other people. you know how people have a bff… well, i have a group of bffs. that’s how it is. we support, encourage, advise, protect, help, care and and have love for each other. i’ve been part of this group for two years now. it’s one of the best things that has happen to my life. heffers forever!”

what now?…

o1. hello- go ahead and borrow the hedge clipper.

o2. work- blah!

o3. chilling- yo! what’s up neighbor and na?!

o4. chilling x2- sup mofatt.. come on over.

o5. heffer lunch- welcome our two new members! manna wok picture! yeah! you brought the burn book!?!

o6. chilling x3- to heffer’s house we go. oh yeah… scrabble time. dude! i got second place!

o7. overall- i enjoyed my day. yeah!

<–i’m still hott–>

“i watched the movie “the love of siam” last night. it was excellent. i definitely recommend it! the overall theme of it is about LOVE. you can never have too much of it. you don’t have to be with someone to love them. just loving them is all it takes. that was what i learned from the movie. it made me realize that love is something special and can be shared in many forms. love… love… love… do i just love you or am i in love with you?”

ordinary day…

o1. woke up at 11:30… i’m so lazy. i stay up all night just browsing the internet.

o2. work… hello! how are you? how can i help you? ok… just a deposit. …thank you. you have a great day.

o3. home… i cleaned the basement living den! yeah! and the kitchen also… well a little.

o4. fishing… went fishing with my cuz and her “friend” at harrison park. just caught little blue gills.

o5. overall… today was good.

…รักแห่งสยาม…

(__-enjoying the sun-__)

“dude i feel like i should move out of the house but it just ain’t happening. i occasionally bring it up around my mother and she freaks out. she is like why do you wanna move out?… you know i bought this house for you… who’s gonna help me out??? to really think about it. i’m not ready at all. i’m not mentally, physically and financially prepared. what i really wanna do is move in with my uncle in oregon. i will consider that at the end of the summer if i haven’t found a better job by then. it’s not a good idea to just jump into things. you gotta thing about every little detail. but i’m ready for new experiences and a fresh start. you know!”

thoughts…

• i think about you too much sometimes mister LSI. but i still like you! i hope you like me!
• why am i getting so many guys that like me just now?!?!
• i’m done with college… should i continue school or find my career?
• when should i come out to my family??? what is wrong with me?
• i need to start sleeping early. i’m so lazy during the day.
• i need to get my life together. get it organized! get it together perry!

+++how low do you want it??+++

]]> http://poobaolao.wordpress.com/2008/06/05/not-ready/feed/ PooBaoLao lower http://poobaolao.wordpress.com/2008/06/03/experiences-with-the-heart/ http://poobaolao.wordpress.com/2008/06/03/experiences-with-the-heart/#comments Tue, 03 Jun 2008 06:54:28 +0000 PooBaoLao http://poobaolao.wordpress.com/?p=71

“i tell myself that’s just life. it’s the first time. they’re my first experiences, lessons i must learn from so i don’t repeat them. it’s better i learn now then later. rushing… is something i do. i can’t help it. i’m so impatient. things hit me so fast i just fall so deep into things i’m not really ready for. my heart has been aching so badly these passed days. i don’t like the feeling. it hurts while it is happy still. waiting… for the answer that will decide. at the end of it all i hope things work out with life filled of happiness in any form.”

random conversation…

you-why do you always worry about the future?

me-because it’s something to worry about.

you-why don’t you just live the present?

me-i do… but i’d like to know my future also.

you-live in the present so you can enjoy it more.

me-ok. i’ll try.

***cover all over me***

“life has its ups and downs. that guy i used to like… he rejected me… actually he liked someone else. it’s ok. that’s how life is. i encouraged him to take that chance with the other guy he liked. i hope he ends up happy. but he and i are buddies now. that’s cool.

Also a new guy appeared in my life right after… we’ve only know each other for less than a week now and we’ve been kind of inseparable. i didn’t know that he liked me as he do. he’s so cute and sweet. honestly… he can get any guy he wants. i’m just perry. what’s so great about me??? i dunno. but i like him very very much! :D”

stressing out to the max…

1. my computer broke!!!! dang it! :/

2. three more exams to go! [thankfully i'm graduating!]

3. can’t stop thinking about him. [sweetie...]

4. messy, messy, messy. too lazy to clean.

5. graduation party…. saturday… hurry up!!!! [i need the alcohol! :D]

*…………enjoy life for the mean time…………*