PooBaoLao::LIFE

listening to: taylor swift- love story

lesson: i’m learning about responsibility

reading: totally captivated

watching: pushing daisies

life:

what is in store for me in the future?

a cute, asian guy always gets me. that’s my type or my desire. i want an asian guy non-feminine. no doubt. its so difficult, cause i don’t always put myself out there. i am not shy, it could be that i am afraid. when i’m with friends its better because i have their support. there are times when i wonder why i don’t have a boyfriend. some say you need to have self acceptance first then others will take notice. i’m still under the covers.

i need relieve! i feel like a slut sometimes. but i do know better. i’ve been waiting for so long for all my life so i can wait some more. but let me say it- i’m HORNY! where is my cute, asian boyfriend?

…kiss and caress…

listening to: Oh Jong Hyuk- Get Away

thought: i’m working all day tomorrow

mood: throat is sore & happy about benji

lesson: voting, does it matter? yes it does!

life:

how do i tell my mom?

my day:

oh yeah! i voted! did you? Barack won! yeah! dude. like there was even a doubt. i’m totally counting on him to restore this nation to its glory or close to it. we are definitely in a new generation. my generation is awesome! dude! i did it! i purchased an ipod. yeah! yay me! the ipod touch generation 2 baby! hopefully i receive it before the end of this week. and engraved on the back, first line-”Hello! My name is Benji.” second line-”-Property of Perry Symychith-” yeah! yes, i named my ipod benji! it’s such a cute name. muah! good night!

…isexy…

listening to: david archuleta- crush

thinking about: my career path

watching: absolute boyfriend [veoh.com]

mood: tiresome

lesson: don’t give up

life:

i wonder sometimes about my family and what’s going to happen in the future. i wonder what my brother will grow up to become. i wonder if my mother will find happiness with that special someone. i wonder if our family will become close or become separated. i wonder if i will be whole or complete before i’m 25. i wonder if my mother and brother knows or even have a clue. i wonder what’s the purpose of my existence…

today:

1. work

2. took my brother out to pick out some prescription glasses. he picked an awesome pair.

3. watched the season premiere of antm

4. watch ‘absolute boyfriend’ tonight

5. sleep peacefully

*+*wanna do this all day*+*

“dude i feel like i should move out of the house but it just ain’t happening. i occasionally bring it up around my mother and she freaks out. she is like why do you wanna move out?… you know i bought this house for you… who’s gonna help me out??? to really think about it. i’m not ready at all. i’m not mentally, physically and financially prepared. what i really wanna do is move in with my uncle in oregon. i will consider that at the end of the summer if i haven’t found a better job by then. it’s not a good idea to just jump into things. you gotta thing about every little detail. but i’m ready for new experiences and a fresh start. you know!”

thoughts…

• i think about you too much sometimes mister LSI. but i still like you! i hope you like me!
• why am i getting so many guys that like me just now?!?!
• i’m done with college… should i continue school or find my career?
• when should i come out to my family??? what is wrong with me?
• i need to start sleeping early. i’m so lazy during the day.
• i need to get my life together. get it organized! get it together perry!

+++how low do you want it??+++

“i tell myself that’s just life. it’s the first time. they’re my first experiences, lessons i must learn from so i don’t repeat them. it’s better i learn now then later. rushing… is something i do. i can’t help it. i’m so impatient. things hit me so fast i just fall so deep into things i’m not really ready for. my heart has been aching so badly these passed days. i don’t like the feeling. it hurts while it is happy still. waiting… for the answer that will decide. at the end of it all i hope things work out with life filled of happiness in any form.”

random conversation…

you-why do you always worry about the future?

me-because it’s something to worry about.

you-why don’t you just live the present?

me-i do… but i’d like to know my future also.

you-live in the present so you can enjoy it more.

me-ok. i’ll try.

***cover all over me***

    i’m feeling much better. as one day passes by. but next week is when i will feel the stress and pressure. boy… i just can’t wait. yeah! not! i will do what i have started and will not turn my back on it. if you start something you gotta finish it. right? right! i hope this semester flies by fast cause i’m already feeling burnt out. seriously… i’m tired and i’m spending most of my time on campus. it’s just another day, it’s just another story. oh yeah… my dream. my dream of getting fired. it was so horrible that it kinda scared me. so does that make it a nightmare? i dunno. i never had a nightmare before. they say dreams come true. i hope this one doesn’t. ah!

*:…reflect your best self…:*

i wanna be more successful in life yet i don’t know what to do. i’m gonna graduate next year in the spring and i’m like all freaking out! crazy! i’m also worried about my classes. shit! so freaking hard!!! yikes! but like my friend said to me before… just don’t worry about the future just concentrated on now. how can i do that? i need to find a career. now! not a job… not a maybe… a life. a career that i will be satisfied with all my life! i’m so so stressed out about this topic. life is so brutal. ah! i gotta get through this. one step at a time.

ω….tough it out….ω