PooBaoLao::LIFE

“dude… i feel like i don’t belong anywhere. i feel lost emotionally and mentally and physically. i don’t wanna do anything but just stay home. when i do go out i feel anti-social. i don’t even try. i don’t feel happy when i’m with friends. is it me or is it them? maybe i’m just going through a phase. for the mean time i’m just gonna keep nonchalant. maybe i have a mental problem. i should get evaluated just in case… :X everyone needs space. right now i need space from everything… everything.”

come on…

woke up at 10 something this morning. got ready and went to work at 11.

work is always the same. should i come out anytime soon? i’m out to one co-worker why not the rest of them?

heffer dinner was at a buffet. china cafe. it was mediocre. not that good but fine. you know? you know. i just sat there, observed and listened only.

afterwards my friends went to the west towne mall. i didn’t feel like it so i went home. i’m becoming anti-social. yeah! i would usually go but i didn’t. i really don’t know why.

jogging is good for me. it is like mediation for me. i feel so good when i jog. i feel so much better after.

\\\_-come get some-_///

“so i belong to this group called the “heffers”. they are my best, closest friends ever. today we initiated two new members. yeah! we are not a click or a gang. we are just a group, my group that i belong to. we do not discriminate either. we have friends of our own and we do hang out with other people. you know how people have a bff… well, i have a group of bffs. that’s how it is. we support, encourage, advise, protect, help, care and and have love for each other. i’ve been part of this group for two years now. it’s one of the best things that has happen to my life. heffers forever!”

what now?…

o1. hello- go ahead and borrow the hedge clipper.

o2. work- blah!

o3. chilling- yo! what’s up neighbor and na?!

o4. chilling x2- sup mofatt.. come on over.

o5. heffer lunch- welcome our two new members! manna wok picture! yeah! you brought the burn book!?!

o6. chilling x3- to heffer’s house we go. oh yeah… scrabble time. dude! i got second place!

o7. overall- i enjoyed my day. yeah!

<–i’m still hott–>

“life has its ups and downs. that guy i used to like… he rejected me… actually he liked someone else. it’s ok. that’s how life is. i encouraged him to take that chance with the other guy he liked. i hope he ends up happy. but he and i are buddies now. that’s cool.

Also a new guy appeared in my life right after… we’ve only know each other for less than a week now and we’ve been kind of inseparable. i didn’t know that he liked me as he do. he’s so cute and sweet. honestly… he can get any guy he wants. i’m just perry. what’s so great about me??? i dunno. but i like him very very much! “

stressing out to the max…

1. my computer broke!!!! dang it! :/

2. three more exams to go! [thankfully i'm graduating!]

3. can’t stop thinking about him. [sweetie...]

4. messy, messy, messy. too lazy to clean.

5. graduation party…. saturday… hurry up!!!! [i need the alcohol! ]

*…………enjoy life for the mean time…………*

 life is complicated… so so complicated.

    dude… i don’t understand us. we totally have a good relationship as friends but why do we get into arguments so easily and hastily. i appreciate everything that she has done for me and i know she does likewise. to be honest we both are opposites. we get along yet we don’t. i just don’t know what to do. ah! it’s so strange to have this problematic shit happening. first of all… this is sort of our second argument. wait… i don’t think we even argued. i mean she did something and i did something back to her. then… we didn’t talk all during class. wow… after class she just waltz right out and i’m just like whatever. so i just went on my merry way. i didn’t care at all… i didn’t do anything wrong. so what… we’re probably gonna face this dilemma tomorrow at lunch. ouch! hopefully this doesn’t turn out like our first encounter. that would be bad! whatever.

i’m not an angel and she’s definitely not one neither. but we do have common ground and barriers but sometimes she goes a little further then i would. yet i’m on the path of corruption getting influenced by her ways of ‘evilness.’ yes i said it… but i still remain myself with trying to detach myself from what i don’t wanna become. when she ever provokes me i retailiate back with the same dirty games. that’s our relationship.

we’ve discussed that we can never live with each other. we are so so different. i’ve never had this situation where i deeply care for someone very much yet i also don’t care for them at all.

    “being an gay asian is so difficult. i mean i’ve only been out for 8 months! first of all, i’m still not out to my family… just my friends and others. i’m still adjusting myself, yet trying to find a balance of comfort. luckily, i have great support from my good friends. one day… i will be happy with full contentment.”

start it…

1. asc- so i attended the bi-weekly meeting. it started at 12:30… yet it only lasted around ten minutes. i woke up just to drive all the way to campus to attend a ten minute meeting?!?! [ah!]

2. heffer lunch- yamasa… it was ok. it was my second time there. i enjoyed the food but everyone else disliked it. hey… i picked the place but you can’t satisfy everyone. also i had an appetite so i could of ate anything. to think about it… it was so-so.

3. cooking- so i made chicken again… i think i cooked some last week or so. i dunno… but i’m getting tired of making chicken even though my cooking is delicious… [haha!]

4. character- so my friend asked me to ask one of my professors about something. instead i email the professor even though i had his class today. i’m so scared to talk to the professor. what is wrong with me? am i the afraid? i feel disappointed in myself. [so stupid.]

5. class- it went well. didn’t fall asleep or got tired. for real… this professor knows his subject and makes it very pertaining towards the class.

.Ο>let’s not look back<Ο.

    “spontaneous events are a pleasure especially having them with good friends. getting together and hanging out in one place and moment is warming. friendship is a treasure and should be invested. being alone creates loneliness which is not good. having friends to talk, to hang out with and to just be plain out goofy together brings life in perspective. don’t forget… you’ll always have a friend to lean on, specially the good ones.”

bring it on…

1. morning- i woke up with a call from my father. [hi?!]

2. cleaning- sorta cleaned my room today. but it is still cluttered. i’m so so lazy.

3. baking- yummy yummy in my tummy. so i baked a carrot cake. so so good. plus i went to buy some frosting too. [yum.]

4. chilling- two of my friends came over. we sat and ate in my dining room. yes! they loved my cake. so we just sat there and chatted… and laughed. [haha...]

5. wal-mart- oh yeah! the place that sells everything. damn… i planned to just buy shaving cream yet i bought a whole lot of things. [crap!]

6. hello- father?! oh you wanna talk to my little brother. ok. so after that my little brother gave the mobile to my mother… no! [argue & argue]

—◊Φsmile and say cheezeΦ◊—